I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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