my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have aggressive nipples.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
