I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
