never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
nutella sex= disaster
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
