Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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