I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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