I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
