I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
