living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
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Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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