I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
