Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
