so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
