# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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