Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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