I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
