My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
tell me about the eggs
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