these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
