great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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