last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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