I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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