so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
