You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
