super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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