I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
