You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
