She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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