Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
