Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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