If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
