i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
