dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
