ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
