i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
