Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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