Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
