My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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