ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
