This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
