so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
