My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
