Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
