clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There's always time for handjobs
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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