So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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