I puked a lego.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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