I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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