the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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