who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
