sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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