I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
