It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Shame - the story of my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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