I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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