My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
