Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize