It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Girls should come with a carfax report
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
