my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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