Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
