new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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