i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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