So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
