Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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