I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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