didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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