I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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