I am midnight drunk by noon
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
