your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
