I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
