I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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