It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
