she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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