i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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