you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
