i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
