CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
