Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
