Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
