just tell him i said nine months
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
