Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
