i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
