They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
