So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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