we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
