She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Did we literally take a cab across the street
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize